May 2nd: My Mental Surrender

May 2nd is a day I want to hug and thank for the rest of my life. If you asked me this on May 2, 2017... I wouldn't of responded with much.

That day, I got up... battling severe stress and anxiety on a few fronts in my life...and wasn't ready to face another day of it.  God took care of it for me.  I heard a voice say, "Not today."  So I didn't... I sat in mental pot of soil over the next 6 months as I faced my darkness and grew from it. 

Today, a year later... I take my wellness journey in baby steps.  Some have been steps back...and some have been steps forward.  But they have been steps. 

I have learned that my darkness is as beautiful as my light.  That the darkness we face that has come from times in our life, is a necessary shadow we have to face to move past and see the sun again.

I have two official diagnoses of ADHD and PTSD and I love my scars... they are the roadmap of my footsteps taken to be my true, authentic self.

If you are struggling... living in fear of an outcome your head is making up...if you need someone.. I am here.  Others are here too.  There are amazing apps to assist with your anxiety (Mind Shift)... meditation...(Headspace or Calm) and resources online where you can find a place to go in the right direction. In Canada, the Canadian Mental Health Association is a wonderful resource (www.cmha.ca)

Having struggled with depression before, I know that people just don't reach out.  I sure didn't want to but yet, I wanted someone to reach in. I know the struggle.

May 2nd was my mental surrender... my "mental health episode" that stopped me in my tracks.  I took it as I take anything from God.  That this was happening for a reason and it was a blessing to be in this place of gaining perspective. 

Of course, it wasn't like that for at least a month.  After that, I started to churn and yearn in my pot of soil as I grew and shed and grew some more...yet again.  With all I have experienced on this ride of Life... I obviously have more thrills to share.

May is Mental Health month in the United States and has been so since 1949.  Canada shares and cares with Mental Health week from May 6-11/18.  I would like to call on those in Canada as the powers-that-be that we should also follow suit and make it a "month" because my time focusing on my own journey was a total of 6 months until I could step back into a full life.

I still deal with it.  One of the ways I used to manage my anxiety and stress was through my exercise and healthy diet that over time I realized...was perhaps too much of a focus and was a big inhibitor and even exercise was stressing me out and I wasn't running right or fast enough.

I still surrender...daily to God ....for me, his Divine presence and direction in my life is why I am still here today.  I have too much to share and I know my soul calling is to write, bond, connect and widen the Life experience.

The journey for me continues with my recovery to a new me.... especially with fitness because I have a had a body change due to all kinds of things, including the beautiful word "horomones." 

I share this with you today and invite you to visit my Facebook page where I have shared my journey in a "Ted Talks" type forum at a recent event.

As I went on a walk yesterday, this poem came to my heart:

Part Three
Thoughts run through my head
"I'm not good enough.,,"
"My pants are too tight.."

"How did I get here?"

The call of the chickadee in the pine distracts me
And brings me back

To my present.

The rush of the Columbia
High over the stones
The tops of the rocks look like geese
floating in the current

The fullness of the air,

The life, the tiny bugs

The sun in my face

The shadow of the rail

I have to remember how I got here in the first place

Because

I started

And sometimes life can be all too much

Sometimes life

can be all too little

Really it comes to the simple things

Watching a person walking their dog, a companion of unconditional love

My soul says to me

Do you remember how we got here?

We started

And we are starting again.
 
 

Blessings to each of you... and remember, there are other warriors willing to carry you in your battle...whatever it is.  Don't give up...reach out.. please.  You are too important in this life and you are enough.

Helen 2.0

xoxo

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